Guidelines for Successful Hosting
From AFSWiki
Adapted from material by Candy and Nick Carter, long-time AFS Volunteers, Reno, Nevada
All page numbers refer to the Host Family Handbook
1.Communicate: don't let little problems become big problems. Talk regularly and often with your AFSer, especially at the beginning, about thoughts, feelings, concerns. Hoping problems will pass is unrealistic. Don't hesitate to call your liaison about "little" problems. The role of the liaison is to be a neutral mediator, not to judge either party. We would much rather help you work through small difficulties than to step into a major crisis.
2.Treat your AFSer as a member of the family, not a guest. Beyond normal adjustments and considerations, the AFSer should eat the same food, do chores, and abide by the same rules as the rest of the family. Within a week of your student's arrival, go over the questionnaire in the back of your host family handbook. Our experience in working with thousands of exchange students shows that discussing these questions early in the hosting experience will help establish open communication and prevent future misunderstandings.
3.The rules are the rules. The three AFS rules (no driving, no drugs, no hitchhiking) are applied unilaterally and with no room for negotiation. Upon proof of violating these rules the student will be sent home. Other serious offenses, such as the use of alcoholic beverages, should always be reported to AFS. Volunteers will work with the family and the student to write a behavioral agreement with the realization that continued violations may lead to an early return to the home country.
4.Mandatory AFS activities are mandatory. In accordance with CSIET and U.S. Department of State regulations and AFS International Quality Standards, all host families must receive adequate and documented orientation and preparation prior to the arrival of the student in their home and all participants must receive orientation at key points during their stay. AFS Volunteers are also required to check-in with participants and host families at least once per month. While it may be difficult at times to fit orientations and monthly contacts into your family's busy schedule they are mandatory and designed to help ensure the safety and wellbeing of the participant and to help both host family members and participants to get the most out of their AFS experience.
5.School attendance and effort is fundamental to the AFS experience. Please send the message to your student that school is important. Although it is not necessary for your AFSer to be an "A" student, they must pass their classes. Schools make decisions about whether or not to enroll a student from a country and/or a program based upon previously hosted students. At first school may be a real struggle for the AFSer; hours of homework each night is not unusual in the first month. If problems continue, do NOT enroll him/her in English as a Second Language Classes. Instead, see if they can take tests at home, have extended time, and/or take their classes pass/fail for the first quarter or semester. Also, remember that you are not his/her legal guardian. Before signing any document, be sure to cross out the words "parent or legal guardian" and write in "host parent."
6.Help your AFSer to make American friends. Your generous offer to be the party house for the exchange students can create a clique of foreign students that short-circuits the students' ability to make American friends. Instead, make bringing along a teen host sibling or American friend a requirement for attendance, and this will help all the students make the connections outside their comfort zone, which are essential to forming friendships with American teens. Encouraging AFSers to participate in sports, music, drama, speech and debate or other activities also will help them establish friendships with American teens.
7.Treat the student's culture with interest and respect. Above all else, the successful AFS experience is defined by mutual respect between you and your AFS son or daughter. Ask questions about your student's country, family, culture. Showing interest shows respect and that you care about them and their background.
8.Your AFSer's ID: don't leave home without it (and medical forms, too). Your AFSer should have the AFS ID at all times. This is particularly important when playing sports because the ID also serves as a medical insurance card. Students have medical and prescription coverage, but they do NOT have dental or vision coverage. (The back of your host family handbook has more complete information on their medical coverage and sample forms from Global Benefits.)
9.Observe the travel guidelines outlined in your Host Family Handbook Students need an Independent Travel Waiver unless they are traveling with their host family, a school group, or an AFS-sponsored trip. We also ask--just as an emergency precaution--that you let us know if you will be out of town for longer than a weekend.
10.Monitor your AFSer's contact with the natural family. The AFSer should not be spending time each night on the phone or sending e-mail to family, friends at home, and other exchange students. Frequent phone calls home increase homesickness. Communication in their native language by phone or e-mail interferes with language development. If your AFSer is spending too much time communicating with home, or if he or she is being pressured to call, write or e-mail, please let us know so that we can send a request via AFS channels to curb natural family communication.
11.Write to your AFSer's natural family, but use the AFS Support System to work through problems. Letting the family at home know that their son or daughter is happy and adjusted goes a long way to reducing their normal anxiety. On the other hand, concerns about a student's behavior should be handled within the support structure of AFS. Bypassing the local support system and communicating problems directly to the natural parents can lead to additional problems and misunderstandings.
12.Don't encourage natural parent visits. Visits from natural family members are disruptive to the participant's exchange experience and impose additional hospitality burdens on the host parents. AFS strongly discourages them (in fact, natural families agree to a no-visit policy when their child comes on the program). But visits are nevertheless a reality of our shrinking world...if a visit is in the wind; you need to let us know right away.
13.Teen sibling does not equal Siamese twin, cab driver, or best friend. Let the connection between any teen siblings in your family and the AFS student grow naturally over time. Sometimes strong friendships develop--sometimes not; either way is fine as long as the AFSer feels like a family member. Do not expect your teen children to provide all transportation for the AFSer or make your teen child responsible for the AFSer's social life. A little jealousy is normal, even understandable.
14.Support other host parents. If you are aware of problems in another host family, contact us. Do not undermine what is going on in another home by commenting on what other parents should be doing. (Remember, you are hearing one-sided information second-hand!)
15.Read everything. Keep everything. Read everything AFS sends you. Keep all AFS communications and documents related to your AFSer in a specific folder in a specific location. Keep your student's passport in a safe place (and make a copy of it...and the J-1 visa). Keep a calendar of AFS events to avoid scheduling conflicts.
16.You get the best view from the tallest mountain peaks. The AFSers who benefit the most from their year have had struggles along the way. It's not necessary to make things better all the time--often the hard class, the mean teacher, the lonely lunch hours, the first family fights can lead to the most significant conquest.
Adapted By Sue Byrum, Updated March 2009
